It’s getting closer & closer, the day of my surgery. I go back & forth between being scared shitless, sad, and relieved. I worry about the possibility of losing an ovary, and I really can’t even wrap my head around the possibility of losing both. Getting admitted into the hospital is a very real possibility as well, and one I don’t necessarily look forward to. I’ve got this vision in my head that all will proceed smoothly and I will recovery in the short stay and be released by mid afternoon on Friday, just a handful of hours after the operation. We’ll see if my prophecy comes true.
Telling my parents about this whole thing, well, it was really uncomfortable. Both of them were very upset. My father, as usual, was on the road when I called, and I just didn’t have a choice but to tell him while he was driving. I don’t even want to get into his work-aholic-ism right now. So I told him I needed an operation to remove a couple tumors. He somehow thought I said I was getting an abortion, so the first question he asked was "are you pregnant?". Oh fuck, that was fun to clear up, as you can well imagine. I know my parents are just concerned for me, and they love me and want to be there to help.
I guess it’s just sort of weird dealing with all this attention from family and friends. I’d rather it be because I achieved some sort of fabulous recognition in an incredibly intellectual field, or won a 150 million dollars, or even just got an unusual haircut or tattoo. I don’t want to be this reminder to them that their not getting any grandchildren from these loins. Ugh. It’s all a very touchy and uncomfortable subject. Again, I know they just want to be there for me, and for that I am thankful.
So I’m doing really well so far in my classes. I spent a good part of the weekend writing a paper & a lab report for Biology and then studying my ass off for the exam on Wednesday. It feels good knowing that after this week I’ll be nearly 2/3rds of the way through the term; the home stretch if you will. Somehow I flipped out the other week and seemed to forget everything I’d learned in Algebra conveniently right as I was taking a test. Thankfully my instructor allows us to correct our errors for half credit and I managed to get a B, bringing my overall Algebra grade to a 95. Ok, I know what you’re thinking, but I can’t allow myself to screw up like that again if I’m planning on keeping my A. And at this point, well, all I can say is that my biology class is fucking dense as hell and I’ll be happy to get a high B, and shocked if I get an A. We’ll see, it could happen. Guess I need to just focus on this exam on Wednesday and I should be just fine.
I have nothing else to report. My mind is consumed with school and with the surgery. Really nothing more of anything else. Except why am I forced to work on a Holiday? I work for an educational institution for goodness sakes, you’d think they’d be all over this shit. My husband is all snugged into bed and will be for at least another hour while I sit here slurping my herbal tea trying to prep myself for the day. Alas, life is never fair, though it does somehow balance out I suppose.