Superinky Fixations

… and the veil between the living and the dead is so thin …

It’s Sunday, the day I dread the most. And it’s not so much Sunday morning, because, actually, Sunday mornings are quite relaxing for me. And today, well, it’s the added bonus of that extra hour which, I’m telling you people, makes a huge difference in my well being.

But now the reality of Sunday is sinking in at just the time it always does; 11:30am and I’m getting all down in the dumps thinking about the week to come. The anticipation is worse than reality. If only I could just let go and enjoy this day of rest… it’s the same old tired story every week. In fact, it’s the same old tired story every week for the last, oh, 20 some odd years, save periods of extended vacation, including, but not limited to, summer vacations as a child, phases of unemployment and Sundays preceding major observed holidays.

I’m feeling completely sickened over yesterday’s car purchase, another tried and true Superinky guilt trip - buyer’s remorse. I’ll get over it, but secretly, in the back of my head, I’ll baby the car along for the first 10,000 miles and cringe if I get the slightest scratch or bump until I’ve had the car at least a year. Oh I forgot to mention it’s silver with a gray leatherette interior, 5 speed zippy little number that’s fun to drive. I’ve always been a big advocate of the stick shift, as I’ve convinced myself it keeps me more alert and engaged in the driving experience. And heck, I’ll be the one that drives the car the most, so that works out well. Bretty is more the fan of the automatic.

Sundays are not relaxing days for me really. Sundays make me feel anxious and stressed, sad and disgruntled and not too thankful. Isn’t that just SAD? Sadder still is the fact that I’ve created this anti-Sunday stance in my mind, starting when I was just a kid dreading to go to school the next day.

Though, thankfully I suppose, the older I get, the more I’m shifting from that ‘everything-bad-that-ever-happened-to-me-when-I-was-young–has-fucked-up-my-adult-life’ phase to a more laid back ‘get-over-it-and-move-on’ attitude.

Hey, last night we popped in H.P. Lovecraft’s Dagon (check it out - you can read all of his short stories by clicking on the links, very cool!) I was surprisingly charmed by the movie,  perhaps in part because it was so obviously low budget, but clever. It dealt with deep human fears, universal symbols of the unknown & complicated emotional upheaval. Shoot, we’re all afraid of drowning and what we can’t see in the deep water, right? God knows I am; so many of my dreams deal with being in water, not being able to see the bottom, etc. And I’m aware enough of my own dream symbols to know that water = emotions. Not that "Dagon" was about drowning, because it most decidedly was not, but it definitely dealt with water imagery and our relationship to it. Also, I liked that it was told partially in Spanish & narrated in part by a man w/a very thick Spanish accent, and there were no subtitles. They were unnecessary. Bretty wasn’t too impressed, because, well, there wasn’t a whole lot of gore/suspense and it did have a real cheese factor to it.

Ok, I’ve listened to Black Mountain now this entire weekend. It’s so much more than hippie psych rock. And I don’t really know what else to say about it. Does anyone else listen to them?

We did it. We bought the diesel Jetta today. The experience took about four and a half hours, including a short and resoundingly unsettling lunch break at Taco Time on McLoughlin. By the way, McLoughlin is a scary sketchy part of Portland/Milwaukie/Gladstone that frankly I could live without, though it seems a necessity in every city of any moderately large size; you know, that strip of car lots and titty bars, adult book stores and drive-though discount cigarette shops.  I’m still mystified as to why it takes such a staggeringly long time to buy a car. I mean, we knew what we wanted long before we even got there. In fact, I didn’t even need to test drive the thing. But then, we get there and test driving, well, it just seemed like the thing to do.

At the moment I’m listening to Songbird. And I can tell you right now that I wish they would get their cute little rock n roll butts up to Portland so I could see them live. I’m ready to be your groupie. Oh, and you know, I’ve been known to shake a tambourine or two in my day… and those colorful egg dealie-bobbers.. you know, should the need ever arise in your band for a colorful egg dealie-bobber shaker.

Ahhh… bretty just handed me an Anton (which you may know as a ‘greyhound’ but since our bjm pilgrimage we’ve decided to singlehandedly shift ‘greyhound’ to ‘anton’, though, to be fair, I’m too embarrassed to order an ‘anton’ with a straight face because whenever bretty does, the Portland Hipsters scowl disgustedly in that condescending way only straight up Portland Hipsters can…). Yum. Antons taste good.

Anyway, now I’ve got to convince myself that it’s ok to convert the car to bio diesel. Cuz pretty much, we figure, it completely invalidates the warranty. I mean, the language is pretty non-specific, though there is a clause about not putting things in the engine that aren’t supposed to be there, like, for example, putting in gasoline instead of diesel fuel. But it’s a gray area for sure.

Besides, bretty & I have made a commitment to reduce our wear & tear on this fine green Earth, and that’s much bigger than invalidating a warranty… right? From what I’ve read and heard, bio diesel is readily available here in Portland, and it’s something that we can use either entirely or partially; that is to say, we could in theory have a tank that’s any part diesel fuel and bio diesel and it won’t (in theory) effect the performance of the vehicle. In fact, not too long ago this dude emailed me & said that the bio diesel is easier on a car’s engine; that it may not drastically improve the mileage (hey, I’m not complaining in the first place; 31 in the city and 40 on the highway!), but the bio diesel will lessen the chance of degrading the fuel line.

Plus, I’m excited for the 6 disc in-dash cd player which should play mp3s, too. And, damn, if that’s not a staggering amount of music when I add it up in my head; something like the equivalent of 650 albums or more. DANG! And the sun/moon roof is pretty cool, too. I’ve never had one before. Since we’re looking at this purchase as a long-term thing, these little bonus items are very important to me.

Time for another anton. Buying a car takes a lot out of one.

cuz the Out Crowd comes on at 9pm and the Warlocks at 11pm. And damn it if I’m going to miss some narco psych glitter pop. NEVER.

so what if I drag my ass into work tomorrow half dead. Maybe then I’ll be on the same level as most of the people I work with anyway.

fucking bitches!! I hate just about everyone in my dept at the moment. bitches I tell you. bitches.

That new Fiona Apple. There’s something about it.

I’m way, way tipsy & it’s Friday night oh about, gosh, according to the clock on the computer, it’s only 8:02pm. Must’ve been some strong brew. JEEZ. I can feel the hangover formulating with every key stroke. Better quit now while I’m ahead and swith to smokint joints. JUST KIDDING. I’m a strict bong advocate…  HAHA. Don’t you wish you were here right now to know The Truth?

Why is it, as the light shrinks significantly with every passing day, do I feel like I was hit with a brick every morning when the alarm goes off? Even more curious, why must the dogs wake up and demand to be taken out and fed fully 30 minutes before the alarm goes off, disturbing those precious few moments of semi REM slumber? Why I ask you? WHY? Oh, I may pretend to be asleep, I may act completely out of it and happily sleeping when the dogs wake up, but secretly, silently, I’m hoping against hope bretty’ll get up and take them out. DAMN THEM. All they do is run outside and pee, eat and then run back to bed. Thanks bretty, for taking them out almost every morning and not ever complaining.

You know, come to think of it, bretty’s a big stud. fo shizzle.

Yeah, yeah. I know I’m such a slacker these days. Bretty’s on the mend, and I must say I was pretty much totally focused on helping him out. Then, by the time he was feeling better, it was late Friday and, well, then it was time for us to hang out and be a couple for a while, instead of a nurse/patient kinda deal.

So now it’s Monday and this morning I glanced at the calendar and I noticed that CRAP, my birthday is on Sunday. How did that happen all of the sudden? And more than that, it’s the beginng of the end. I know I’m being a total drama queen and it’s really no big deal. None of us are getting any younger anyway. But it’s not even like I’m turning 30 or even 35. NO! I’m even older than that friends, haters, fellow bloggers.

Sometimes it just hits me; like when bratty 16 year olds try to contact me on myspace to "talk" about Brian Jonestown Massacre. DUDES. I graduated high school before you were born. I don’t think we’ve got much in common!

At least I’ve got some life experience, dare I say wisdom regarding some of life’s bigger challenges. I do, however, wish I had more of a sense of what I want to do when I grow up. I wish I’d done a little more with the years I’ve already been giving. Then again, I try not to dwell on the coulda woulda shouldas, since hindsight, well, it’s always 20/20, isn’t it?

So. Sunday. I’m technically a Scorpio, though mostly I’m on the cusp between Libra & Scorpio. I did have my chart done years ago and I’m something like 3 degrees (that’s not a lot) into Scorpio, with lots of significant planets in Libra. In fact, once this astrologist, she guessed my birthday, like EXACTLY, based on my physical appearance. It was cool and creepy at the same time.

Also, don’t believe the hype around Scorpios being all sexually driven & shit. Yeah, well, the sign is ruled by the sexual organs, but that doesn’t necessarily mean we’re sexed up nymphos. In fact, it can be quite the opposite. Sexual? Yes. Sexually dysfunctional? Absolutely.

Thanks y’all, for checking in on me. I promise I’ll write more soon.

Oh yeah. You know what else happened today? I geeked out royally and met my comic book artist hero, Michael Allred. His stuff is like candy, just delicious and yummy and fun and colorful and happy. And well, it was pretty cool. He was nice. If you’re at all curious, I recommend strongly starting with Madman and working your way through The Atomics and then hitting X-Force, starting with issue 115 and then moving on to X-Statix. Holy crap I sound like a nerd.

Hi y’all

We went walking today and came across a garden full of dahlias. I got inspired. Even though my tattoo is kinda itchy & still healing (since I just got it finished 98% on Thursday), here’s a pic…

I’m all over the place today listening to a whole bunch of stuff I got months ago but never really got through. So far, I’m liking Sarah Dougher, and The New Pornographers latest, Twin Cinema (*gasp* I didn’t think I liked them..). Believe it or not, I never really totally listened to Either/Or by Elliott Smith until today. GOD it’s amazing. And even though I’ve heard this album a hundred times since we downloaded the torrent back in July, I just can’t get over the beauty of "Howl" by BRMC. Awesome stuff.

Blech. I hate being sick. I hate that I feel so fricking guilty being sick. My mind questions how sick I actually am, and since I can still walk and put two words together, shouldn’t I be at work? Perhaps it’s telling, though, how crappy my job actually is, since the whole place falls apart when I’m not there. HA! What are they going to do without me next week while I’m taking care of my convalescing hubbin? Let’s see if I still have the guts to put in my notice this month. After all, that was the plan. Though, I admit, it is only the first part of my plan, as the second part of my plan, which in theory involves an exciting creative, limitless career of my dreams, actually, since I don’t know what exactly I want to do next, part two of the plan is still in the hopper and pretty much keeps me from really getting behind part one of the plan…

So. Yeah. I must admit, I’m a little nervous about bretty’s surgery next week. The surgeon made it out like it’s no big deal, that frequently people who get their wisdom teeth removed experience more pain than the people who get their FRICKING JAW SAWED OPEN and MOVED. Frankly, I find that a little hard to believe, but I’m sure the guy gets paid the big bucks to say stuff just like that, you know, to make people like me & bretty feel better about the impending procedure.

I think we’ll spend the next few days prepping for his recovery. I’m sure that’ll involve plenty of cleaning, purchasing &/or checking out books, dvds, and accumulating lots of mushy foods. Someone at work actually suggested I go on the same liquid diet as b. Hmmm. Strangely, it doesn’t sound like all that bad of an idea. Although I was thinking it would be pretty funny to tease b by eating caramel apples and salmon jerky in front of him. Well see how it goes. He’s already on this massive weight-loss bender and the surgeon told him because of the surgery and his jaw not being able to be opened for 2-3 or FOUR weeks he’ll probably drop another 10-20lbs. The man is giddy with anticipation.

I feel a little out of practice these days. Out of practice and profoundly uninspired. It’s a deadly combination, trust me. Plus, I’m getting sicker by the hour, stricken with that annoying fall cold that I know I contracted through open mouth kissing. YUCK. Kissing is gross!! It spreads disease!! Yeah, I’m still sad about the kitty, and can’t really think about it for too long or I get all weepy. Though the experience, overall, tears and pain medicine, all of it, I’m thankful to have gone through it with bretty. I’m happy we were able to spend many, many pleasant hours with our kitty before she passed.

Ok, so to distract myself, I got really into several mind-numbing activities over the last few days. For one, Serenity totally rocked and was a great compliment to the series. My only complaint - it wasn’t long enough, damnit. I read this great review of it today that really pretty much summed up my feelings about it; in a nutshell: Joss Whedon knows how to tell a story and his stories can’t be crammed into a two hour formulaic Hollywood movie. His stories take time to build and his characters, time to evolve. But dang it, since I’d seen all 13 hours (or was it 14?) of the series, the movie made complete sense to me. I suspect that if one had not seen the series, one would not have been so profoundly shocked and sad when two of the major characters were summarily killed. SHOCKING I tell you. Shocking.

I’ve got the new Franz Ferdinand playing, hoping it’ll grow on me and make me feel the way their first cd did. I can’t help but thinking it’s a desperate attempt to cash in on the wave of popularity they’ve experienced the last year or so. Oh! But bretty & I can say we saw them way back when; when they played a small show at Berbati’s.

Saturday we checked out the Stumptown Comic Fest 2005. It was great fun, and at least 4 times the size as last year. I blew through my $$ in a hurry, but got some awesome stuff, including a very hot and very sweet lesbian romance/orgiastic masterpiece by Colleen Coover called Small Favors. Hot hot hot. Caliente. Did I mention it’s hot? H A W T I tell you.

Oh, then Monday night we went and watched a reading with the graphic novel GOD OF GODS, Neil Gaiman. Hello people. Neil Gaiman. Sandman geeks, step off!! Wow, he has quite a following, which doesn’t surprise me because his stuff is fucking incredible! Yeah, it’s a bit fantastical and mostly takes place in strange and alien realities that require a suspension of belief. But DAMNIT he’s good. Really, I’m saying this with all seriousness, if you’re even slightly curious about graphic novels, check out any of the Sandman series. It’s sophisticated and intelligent, profound and beautiful. And jeez, is it weird that I found the man incredibly sexy? There were hundreds of people in attendance, and all 600 of us wanted to meet Neil Gaiman and have him sign our books. You would not believe all the Sandman tattoos I saw flashed around Monday night. Insane. I can’t imagine what it must feel like to be responsible for turning on countless people to a concept and story that one created ones self. wow.

And tonight, well, I’m just waiting for the the clock to strike 9pm. LOST haters. Lost.

Did I mention that I got a huge tattoo a few weeks ago? In fact, it’s so big that it’s not even done yet. I’m going in tomorrow night to Infinity to get it finished. I’m excited to see the finished product. I mean, I love what I’ve got so far. There’s a Chihuahua involved, and lots of pretty flowers. At the moment, however, I’m worried that the Chihuahua is a bit distracting… I’m thinking once the thing is finished and filled in this big Chihuahua head won’t be such the focal point. You think I’m kidding? I’m not. I will forever have a Chihuahua head on my shoulder. Forever. Good thing I love Chihuahuas. Though now, I must say, since it’s basically a portrait of one of my doggies, I feel compelled to get a portrait of the other one, too… BECAUSE I FRICKIN LOVE CHIHUAHUAS.

Is anyone out there listening to anything good these days? I’m really, really trying to pull out of my Brian Jonestown Massacre phases, as it’s literally been months and months and MONTHS of nothing but BJM, sprinkled lightly with BJM spin off bands like The Warlocks, BRMC, and Spindrift. HELP.

Thanks for reading. Catch y’all later.