Superinky Fixations

Wow, since my daily viewing average has gone down to, oh, 9, I feel kind of liberated, like I can say and do anything I want. Hell, I don’t even think my significant life partner reads this anymore, since his blog is now the blog du jour and well, whatever, I guess I’m just yesterday’s dishes. Though, for the record, "yesterday’s dishes" tend to linger around Chez Inky for days and days and days…

I cannot wait until tomorrow night for my Rock Star: INXS fix. It’s not just me, haters, I’m telling you, this is history in the making… and so wrong on so many levels. Though I will admit that yesterday at Sushiville when the non-stop 80’s stream played "It’s the One Thing" I about lost my shit. Seriously. Because that songs RULES, yo? Oh, but is Rock Star: INXS ridiculously addictive. I’ve figured it out and in fact have a theory about it; the audience, or rather fraudience (god how I wish I would have thought of that first DAMN) is spoon fed some sort of downer and then hypnotized en masse to thrust their fists in unison in what looks like some, well, group of white yuppies spoon fed downers and hypnotized en masse. And though I do think the "rockers" sing well and at this point just about any of them could front "super group" INXS, it’s a farcical comedy to me, and slightly sad that they are essentially trying out to be a high end karaoke singer. That’s ok. It entertains me. A lot. A LOT.

So, I can tell you for sure that I would NEVER have watched this movie EVER based on the title alone, for fear it would depress and shame me deeply, but ended up loving it with all my heart: Born in the Brothels was beautiful, touching and inspiring. I did get to feeling like I wanted to foster every child born in the red light district of Calcutta because they were just so dang adorably sweet! But more than that, it was vibrant and colorful and full of hope. Believe me haters, I resisted this documentary like the plague based purely on it’s title. Somehow I was compelled, after catching an interview with the filmmaker, to tune in, and I was not disappointed. Please see this movie!

Shout out to NOLA. Take care. I wanna come back and visit you one day.

Just got the new Warlocks cd, Surgery. It reminds me a little of a revved up, layered and all around thicker Raveonettes with a male vocalist. And, you know, with that fuzzed out droning nouveau shoegazer quality. It’s growing on me, though for now I’m more of a fan of the straight up psychedelic stoner stuff like "Come Save Us", which, by the way, you can listen to just about the whole album on their website and decide for yourself. There’s lots of other druggy pop to chose from, too.

I can’t help it. I’ve had a thing for stoner rock for quite some time. I blame it on Jane’s Addiction summer of 1988’s Nothing’s Shocking. Damn them already. Before that I was fully a Smiths/Cure/New Order/*gasp*Frankie Goes to Hollywood new waver dork. Then forget about it. Once I discovered the Velvet Underground there was no turning back. Oh, I’ve taken long detours down Trip Hop Alley and Acid Jazz Lane and fuck, the Grime Cul de Sac and Disco Punk Way, but hell, coming up with these dorky genre street names is getting embarrassing so I won’t put you or myself through anymore.

Wtf? I’m so uninspired these days. If I really listen to myself, I know it has a lot to do with being tired, which, in turn, means I’m not taking care of myself all that well. I’m stuck in habits that really don’t serve me but are so familiar I practically paralyzed from moving outside of the familiar muck. BORING BORING

Bretty & I’ve been walking our little butts off this weekend. Yesterday was over 7 miles, most of which we did before 11am. Today we’re thinking of taking the walk from here to NW 23rd and munching on some sushi at our new (to us) favorite sushi train, Sushiville. I think that’s about 5 miles round trip. Aside from how long it takes to walk from Point A to Point B, there’s really nothing I dislike about walking briskly and for extended periods. Of course, it didn’t help matters that I caved and ate Cheetos and Ben & Jerry’s yesterday for dinner. In fact, that’s down right nasty. I don’t know what came over me. That’s going to take days from which to recover.

Here’s the latest with me: I’m meeting with a tattoo artist (Amanda Myers of Infinity) on the 7th of Sept for a consultation. If all goes well, I’ve got a tentative appointment for the tattoo on the 15th. I thought of Jennifer Billig at Atlas because she did the piece on my shoulder about 3 years ago. Come to find out, she’s not available until November. Wow! Good for her, but bummer for me. I don’t know about you, but when I get the hankering for a tattoo, like just about every other obsession, I just about can’t think of anything else but getting a tattoo. Frankly, waiting until November feels like forever! So Ms. Billig, tattoo superstar, and I say this in the most respectful way, if things don’t pan out with Amanda, I’m sure you’ll see me in November. Otherwise, I’ll have a big ol’ shoulder tattoo on September 15th.

My friend Jennifer gave me an idea to chew on yesterday. Instead of giving notice in October, I lobby for a leave of absence at my job. Hmmm… I can almost live with this idea, except that I really, REALLY don’t want to come back. Though the scaredy cat side of me finds comfort in the thought of having something to fall back on. And hell, the Leave of Absence Precedent was set long before I ever entertained the thought.

We walked for miles today. MILES. Had to make up for all the slacking I did on Friday and Saturday. Took the doggies up to the dog salon up on Killingsworth for the bi-monthly grooming, then headed downtown; from Old Town to NW 21st, back over the Broadway Bridge, up Vancouver and back up to our house; darn near 9 miles altogether. It was sunny, but oh so nice today. Damn I cannot bear the hot, hot weather. I much prefer temps in the 70’s and low 80’s. And bretty, he’s a trooper, with me every step of the day, even though I was pretending like I was annoyed with him most of the weekend. Why do I do that all the time? 184 minutes of aerobic exercise. Weee. One day soon, it won’t be long now, I might actually be buying myself a whole new wardrobe. Well, I think it’s about time I start investing in some new pants. Seems weight loss hits me in my ass first. Let’s hope it moves up to the boobs soon. Oh yeah, and the belly, too.

The Portland Adult Soapbox Derby was pretty fun yesterday. I liked the vibe - very urban and laid back. Of course, that may have had something to do with just about everyone there drinking heavily in the sun and being too tipsy to get rowdy and obnoxious. We brought Phoebe and she’s a big celebrity wherever she goes. She will single handedly (single pawedly?) quash the stereotype of yippy hyper Chihuahuas. She really is the most mellow, friendly, affectionate dog you’ll ever meet. Though she does have a thing for licking up ones nose. Uh, so like next year, pay attention to the name Portland Adult Soapbox Derby and like, don’t bring kids.

So, anyone else catch the series finale of 6 Feet Under? Gosh, what a great show. Really, there wasn’t any way they could’ve ended it that would’ve made me satisfied, but I suppose it’s best it ended now while it was at the top. I’m still recovering from David being carjacked and kidnapped. When was that?, last season? the season before last?

Ta ta for now.

It’s Friday and there’s still over 6 hours left in my work day. I’ve been sleeping terribly these last couple weeks. It’s hot, I’m uncomfortable, stressed and anxiety-ridden, but mostly hot & uncomfortable. Plus, it’s a full moon and come on, you’re high if you don’t think the cycles of the moon affect us lowly peons on a molecular level each and every day.

So in case there’s any Dandy Warhol starf***ers out there, they’re going to be at Masu tonight in Portland for a cocktail party. Much as I love the band, I don’t want to participate in some @$$ kissing, ego stroking star f***! But hey, that doesn’t mean YOU can’t, should the desire consume you. I will say, their new cd is growing on me. Yeah, I know it hasn’t been released yet. But I have my ways. I’m particularly impressed with "Smoke It". Poppy fluff be damned, they still slay live and everyone should see them once before they fade into obscurity.

Tonight at the always exciting and endlessly fascinating Chez Inky, The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou. Call early for reservations.

My mind is consumed, consumed I tell you, honestly, with three or four primary thoughts that circle around and come to the forfront of my awareness at random and haunt me day in and day out and then split off into several dozen variations thereof:
1).exercise my ass off - exercising my ass off literally.
2).bjm and all things people sounds & images bjm
3).skinny rocker menboys
4).guilt & shame over thoughts of skinny rocker menboys
There. I said it. Thoughts be purged! Filtered at least!

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): I couldn’t believe the show I saw on
the cable channel Spike TV: "Blind Date with a Crackwhore."
Fred, a twenty-something stockbroker, got set up on a date with
Propecia, a fortyish crackwhore. I watched with horrified
fascination as she rejected all his genteel attempts to create
rapport, constantly turning the conversation back to where they
could score some crack. I bring this to your attention, Scorpio, in
hopes it will serve as a shining example of how *not* to proceed
in the near future. You have in place everything you need to
experience a week full of intensely meaningful adventures with
allies who bring out the best in you. Therefore, don’t flirt with
senseless, random distractions–like blind dates with
crackwhores, for instance. And don’t do what I did, which is
waste precious time entranced by stupid crap. Give every spare
moment to capitalizing on the integrity-filled success that’s
available.

Check your own here.

ps. I’m experimenting with colors. Any suggestions? How do you see me?

Ahhh. A day off all to myself. What’s a girl to do? I vowed I would not obsess and fret about work, but rather, enjoy this well deserved personal day. It’s still early. I’m not even on my 2nd cup of coffee and haven’t even considered what I’ll have for breakfast. I have this fantasy that one day soon when I finally quit my job and I’ll be confronted day after day with nothing especially pressing to do, that I will force myself to figure out what I actually like and want to do. It’s fortunate that I am in a position where I don’t necessarily have to rush into another job. Even though not working will most certainly affect the bottom line around here, I have a stronger need to feel free and unrestricted before I make my next career move. Otherwise, I’m afraid I’ll just dive into another job like the one I’m in now.

I’ve put on a bunch of tunes I’ve collected over the months but haven’t had the opportunity to thoroughly listen to as of yet. Stand outs include Of Montreal & Aqueduct so far, but there is so much new music to get through I suspect more favorites will materialize soon. Plus I have this renewed vigor and passion around Spindrift. You can stream four of their songs (all great) on their myspace page, linked here (you must be a member… it’s free and painless & worth it if you want to listen to scads of new bands, though I’ve noticed lonely men frequently send me messages because they want to "chat", even though my profile clearly states I’m happily married).

Still, I think if I could anything I wanted and get paid, I’d follow bands and not be so much of a Critic as an Advocate for the live music experience. This plan is merely half-baked, and still in the formulation phase. I’ll let you know if anything develops.

Time for breakfast.

I want to practice my new html skillz but I’m a little bit spaced out. It’s really not that hard, but it requires that little extra bit of concentration I just don’t have at the moment. Plus there’s that spaced out factor. It’ll have to wait until another day. Alas. *sigh*. I begged to be memed because I was feeling so out of it, below are the results. Listen closely, then we’ll talk.

1. Black Mountain - (removed)

2. Aqueduct - (removed)

3. Brian Jonestown Massacre - God_is_my_girlfriend

4. The theme song to Firefly - All I could find was a link to Firefly fan site with a folk group variation using part of the theme song as a chorus. That feels weird to me.

5. LCD Soundsystem - (removed)

6. Mooney Suzuki - (removed)

7. Dandy Warhols - (removed)

8. Black Rebel Motorcycle Club - (removed)

9. Of Montreal - (removed)

10. Spindrift - Red_reflection

Tag bretty, geeekgirl, the unpaid rock critic, mingy, the underrated, nancy, you’re it!

OK, yes, I accept that I’m obsessive and cursed to fixate on the mundane and tawdry details that really have no relevance to my life. I understand intellectually that I use my obsessions to distract and numb myself to the real and pressing issues in my life. But hello!! Haters, it’s true, I’m embarking next month on the road trip of road trips, the piece de resistance: a 3 day back to back (to back?) tour of Brian Jonestown Massacre as they hit Portland! (Dantes), Seattle! (Neumos) and Vancouver, BC (Richard’s and Richards - the show I’m actually most excited for as it’s being touted as a 2 hour show with no other acts except BJM, good lord I’m practically fainting right now at the thought).

So Bretty & I will be schlepping swag for Tinymeat tomorrow at the Mississippi Street Fair.God, did I just make that sound like a drudgery? Really! I’m looking forward to it. Mikey’s stuff rocks and I’m seriously contemplating joining the Tinymeat team when I finally and most gracefully leave my current position, so pandering to the masses doesn’t really sound all that bad. If I’d really been thinking this all the way, I would’ve been pumping the Mississippi Street Fair for days, but, shit, the mood I’m in, I can barely make it through the day coherently. Come by and visit me if you’re in the area. We should be somewhere near Bridge City Comics.

Speaking of being obsessive and fixating on the mundane… is anyone else as hooked on the Firefly complete series on DVD as bretty & I are these past few days? Bejeezus! I finally understand when people tell me they watched the first NINE episodes of the Sopranos or the entire 1st season of 24 in ONE DAY. I’m living and breathing Firefly. It’s fricking AWESOME and if I could just stop blogging I could get back to some more!!

Time for another gin and diet coke with lime. Or 3.

I’m so frustrated right now I can’t see past the end of my own nose. In fact I’m almost blind, or at the very least, experiencing some sort of tunnel vision because I feel completely stuck and utterly fried with the hellish prison that is my job. I just walked out today, without a word or a clue that anything was wrong. I felt myself melting down and knew that if I didn’t remove myself from the situation I would completely lose it. Fuck, maybe I do need to completely lose it. And so the dynamics don’t change no matter how much I wish things were different. So I know that it’s up to me to make the shift within myself. If I had the willpower I’d just quit the fucking thing. But I’ve got no safety net and I’m terribly scared. It’s the same old, tired bullshit story I’ve been telling myself for 4 years. This is really awful though, these past few weeks and months. If I’m being candid with myself, it’s really been pretty awful for the last 2 years.

Just saw today that the BJM are doing a show in Seattle on the 9th and
Vancouver on the 10th. I’m all for following them all
weekend long… Isn’t that crazy? To be perfectly honest, I’m also
half-way toying with the idea of DRIVING down to L.A. the week after
next to see them there. I’ve lost my mind.

If I sit back and analyze the situation, I recognize that the timing is
what is really propelling this obsession I’ve got with seeing them
live. Work is absolutely a hellish prison where I feel helpless to
escape. Worse than prison, really. It actually feels more like a deep
level of hell; the one where the dude is pushing that huge rock up the
hill and right when he gets to the top, the rock rolls down to the
bottom of the hill and he’s got to start over again. And foolishly, he
pushes the rock up the hill again, it rolls down the hill and the whole
thing goes on endlessly. That’s me, haters. THAT’S ME.

The way I’m coping is… well, it’s not good. Lots of recreational
drugs and alcohol ease the anxiety, but certainly don’t address the
issue. Computer game addiction and internet surfing/blog lurking are
also seductive. Reality tv numbs me temporarily. And then this
obsession with Anton Newcombe & the Brian Jonestown Massacre…
GEEZ I’m a mess.

Perhaps I hold out hope that somehow my following my blissed out stoney
hippie band will open my eyes to what I need to do with my life. I’m so
afraid of quitting without another steady form of income that I just
feel completely paralyzed. It’s no good for anyone around me,
especially at work. I hate the bitter, hateful things I think and say
and the horrific attitude I know I must pass on to all that come in
contact with me. This is a trend with me; I stay in jobs far, far
longer than I should. I should’ve been looking for a job 2 years ago
before I became so atrociously negative that I can’t even see straight.

I actually walked out of work today at 2:40pm. I felt myself starting
to meltdown and instead of flipping out (which, hell, maybe I need to
flip out), I quietly shut down my workstation, grabbed my things and
marched right to my car and drove home. I cried a tiny, tiny bit with
Brett over the phone, mostly because I shocked myself at my own
behavior. But not much crying, I assure you. It’s like I’m beyond
caring. I’m so completely checked out that very little matters when it
comes to my job. AHH! That’s horrible!!

Didn’t do a whole lot of anything physical today. I suppose a day off here and there is acceptable if I don’t make a habit out of it. Well, actually, when I say that it’s mostly to recognize that if I take "a day off" more than once everyone week or so I’ve officially fell off the wagon… The wagon of my new & improved Healthy Lifestyle, obviously.

Mostly I’ve noticed, since I’ve stepped it up so much in the exercise department the last several weeks, how sluggish and, well, stiff, stilted and sort of blocked up I kinda feel today. Blech. What a difference 3.5 aerobic miles (with 2 killer hills) makes. Tomorrow, no problem. What keeps me going? Fantasies of 21 year old skinny rockers boys. I mean, I’m just kidding. That’s disgusting.

Tonight = bretty’s b-day. Hope he liked his b-day dinner. Lagniappe, right? I like anyplace that’s mellow and warm with fresh yummy reasonably priced home style cooking.

Tomorrow night = Dante’s. Telephone, because they are fun and feel happy and Eric Hedford, you know, it’s my civic responsibility to support him and his endeavors… or something of that nature. I like them, haters, and you can hear their music here. I don’t know, you might have to sign yourself up for a myspace account, but it’s free and, like crack, hideously addictive. Check out Spindrift while you’re there. They rock in an entirely different way. Both most thoroughly groovy.

Saturday night = bretty’s bday party (observed), full of friends, fun & food. I’m really into alliteration lately. Is it obvious?

I saw this bumper sticker today that said "I am from Oregon. Almost Yuman". It sounds cute, but I have to say that I just didn’t get it. At least, I didn’t get it until I bothered to actually spend 15 seconds googling Yuman and then the bumper sticker made a lot more sense… Though it was a little bit confusing because apparently Yuman are "an important linguistic family whose tribes before being gathered on reservations
      occupied an extensive territory in the extreme south west portion of the
      United States and north Lower California, including much of the valley of
      Colorado River, the lower valley of the Gila, and all of extreme south
      California", but also a Californian mecca for good looking, young swingers…